Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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