i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
