dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
