so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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