that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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