i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
