Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
