I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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