apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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