Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
