my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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