So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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