i think my tv is drunk
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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