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Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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