I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
