im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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