tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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