dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
