Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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