I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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