I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
bring money and cleavage
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
