The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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