my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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