eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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