Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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