i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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