Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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