Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
