hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
