I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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