Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
