But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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