Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
