No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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