Who wears a wallet chain?!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
