She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
