I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
