he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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