You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
