Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
