THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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