Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
