Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
