hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
