i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
