I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
