Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
