so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
