Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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