i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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