So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
