I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
