i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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