you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
