remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
